I was staying with my girlfriend the other day, spending a little time with my girl, you know how it is. We spend the day watching T.V., laying about, cuddling under my boss new cotton blanket, which I totes got for Christmas like a beast. The hours float by, and the sky begins to darken.
There I was, laying in bed. I didn't know why I woke up, but I did understand the pressing circumstance in which I then found myself; I needed to take a dump. NOW. I got up as carefully as I could and made my way to the bathroom. I shut the door behind me, flicked on the light, and looked down.
This story is a lead up to one of the things in life that I absolutely cannot stand. I hate small toilets. Yeah, I know, it seems trivial, but think about the story. It was a necessity that I use the toilet, and yet it's size nearly made it unusable. I'm if a larger build, and the toilet seat had such a small circumference that I couldn't sit comfortably and tuck my business down in front at the same time. When I had to pee, I felt like one of those old water drinking bird toys.
If you have a small toilet, don't bother inviting me over to your place. Why would you have a tinny crappy anyway? Isn't it supposed to be a throne? What kind of royalty sits on a three legged stool? No, a throne should be large, huge even, gilded and jewel-encrusted. Well...it needs to be big.
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